the girl is still quite pretty.  though her hair is now a bit darker, he is still regretfully attracted to her.  he realizes that she still uses the same perfume.  the girl is sitting closely next to him as they carry on a light conversation over a couple beers.  she'd always preferred beer over others.  this too was a characteristic he had liked.  in the dark bar, these two are laughing having a good time.  teasingly their skin touches from subtle but intentional movements.  the girl has changed.  he knows that things are not the same.  after a bit of silence, the girl whispers something into his ear.  though he tries force a smile, it is unnatural...

some time ago, he was very fond of the girl.  after all, she was smart, witty, cute, fun, and exciting.  within moments of first meeting her, he thought she was special.  the boy slowly took the time to know her better.  the more time he spent with her, even brief moments, his feelings for her grew.  he would go out of his way to class, leaving minutes earlier,  so that he might cross her path and share a few brief words with her.  he really liked this girl.  she constantly visited his thoughts and soon she never left.  he looked forward to sharing a mere few seconds with her day to day as he purposely crossed her path.  he would notice her coming from afar and wouldn't take his eyes off from her.  surprised at the coincidence, the girl always smiled at him sweetly with a wave of a hand.  such brief moments were enough to keep brighten his day.  people would see him with a huge grin on his face and think he was having the best day of his life.  the occasional days when they both found time to grab a bite together was that much more special.  he must've seemed odd to the girl for in front of her he froze.  he didn't know what or how to say... anything.  unaware of his feelings, she would eat as the boy tried to catch glimpses of her. 

for the first time, the boy mustered enough courage and decided to tell her how he felt.  he asked her to meet with him at a certain location and waited in the cold.  3 minutes past the agreed time, he saw her in the distance.  dressed in a long coat with a scarf that she knit herself, she approached with a smile and a wave.  the boy nervously greeted her and they walked off to a nearby coffee shop.  she ordered her usual and he ordered iced coffee despite the cold weather.  he wasn't thinking too clearly.  he was nervous.  the conversation was dry.  the boy had a thousand thoughts going through his mind.  the girl managed to start a light conversation despite his unusual lack of words.  after an hour or so, the two leave the coffee shop behind and decide to head back.  it is now time, the boy thought as he recited things he had thought and prepared to tell her the night before.  it was harder than he had hoped.  he simply couldn't separate his lips.  thirty or paces from her dorm he opened his lips while closing his eyes for a moment. 

he tells her of everything through mumbled words.  the things he had thought to say came out his mouth as gibberish.  they were already there, in front of her dorm.  he took in a deep breath and looked at her face, then into her eyes.  to the best of his ability, he told her how he felt about her.  though he wanted to say much more, he couldn't say much.  he was very nervous.  the boy paused for a moment and the two stood facing each other as she waited for him to continue.  there was nothing.  he could not say no more.  the girl finally asked the boy what he wanted from this.  without thinking, he told her that all he wanted to do was simply tell her how he felt and get it of his chest.  the girl squinted trying to make sense of the mumbled words.  the boy quickly said "goodbye" and walked away.  as he walks away, he ponders why he had not told her that he wanted a date with her when she had asked what he had wanted.  feeling embarrassed, though relieved, he walks away deciding to avoid her from then on.  from time to time, the boy wondered what would or could have happened had he realized what she was asking.  he regrets lacking the balls during it all.  frustration and wonderment plagued him for times to come. 

from her whisper, he realizes that the girl too had feelings for him.  from his response to her question, she simply figured that he didn't want a relationship... or anything.  she thought that he was satisfied to tell her of his feelings for a closure of some sort.  however it is too late.  he and she both have changed.  time has changed and done so many things to them.  despite his feelings, he knows that for many reasons that it can't be.  the girl was merely curious.  she wanted to know why he had acted the way he had and chose to do what he did.  she has long moved on but unknowingly brings him into a world of frustration. 

he finishes his beer and sends a smile her way.  without answer, he gets up and walks away.  what if he did things differently?  what if he had asked her out on a date as she expected? what if he hadn't avoided her? what if he had embraced her in his arms during that cold winter month?  things may have been different then.  she might be sitting next to him as they looked back to that moment in the past when he first asked her out after revealing his feelings for her.  perhaps.  as he orders another beer for both, he wonders, what if...